My Affair with Foucalt

At this stage in my studies, reading theory is still difficult--although it had gotten easier over the years. Michel Foucault was one of the first theorists I had read. I remember how difficult he was, how I detested reading his works simply because I could barely understand him. Well, things have changed now. I'm sitting here with the first volume of "The History of Sexuality" next to me. I meant to read it from cover to cover the last time I took it out of the shelf--probably a year ago--but stopped after I got about two-third into it. I realized that it had gotten easier to read, and I very much enjoyed his composition, yet my patience didn't sustain long enough for me to finish the book.

Towards the end of last month, I decided that I would finally finish it. Only a few days ago I took it out of the shelf again and reread the first four chapters of the fourth part, "The Deployment of Sexuality." It was even easier and more enjoyable this time around; I was surprised by how much fun I had trying to understand his complex argument and the pleasure I got from succeeding. I no longer furrow my brows, and sometimes even smile.

It is a love affair. I like him more the more I read him. And now, as he has continued to become a part of my life, to benefit my studies and my understanding of the world, I feel as if there is a bond between us. It's different from the affair I have with Shakespeare. Because Shakespeare's plays are fictional, the relationship I develop is with the story, the themes, and the characters; while there is an intimate connection I feel with Shakespeare--or, rather, his work--I don't feel like I am getting deeper into his mind the more I read his work, since the words I read come from his taking on different personae--something he does so brilliantly but also something that shields us from getting to know who he really is. With Foucault, however, the voice I hear is the voice of this "Michel Foucault," and it is the voice that I have come to know and grown accustomed to. I don't presume that I know who he is from reading his work, but what I know is this persona--the brilliantly thoughtful man whose insights continue to challenge and expand my mind.

I have been accepted into four MA programs so far. My writing sample is a paper I wrote in Queer Theory class about Monogamy, drawing largely from Foucault. While I didn't have much confidence in the work--and even now I still feel that it doesn't fully represent me as a scholar--it is probably one of the main reasons these schools find me a desirable candidate. It seems, then, that Foucault had helped me to get into these schools, and therefore strengthening my relationship with him.

If ever would i teach a theory class in a university, I would tell my reluctant students that there is a lot of reward in trying to understand theoretical texts. There are authors who intentionally make their writings difficult so not to undermine the complexity of the ideas, but I don't think Foucault is one of them; his texts are difficult because there is no easy way to write about these issues. Anybody who studies the art of composition can read his texts and see how carefully constructed his sentences are. His use of punctuation is impeccable. There is a lot you can learn from him.

I intend to finish Volume 1 within the next few days. Instead of moving on to Volume 2, I want to read bits and pieces of his other works. I have just bought "The Foucault Reader" edited by Paul Rabinow, which I cannot wait to start.